Breaking Up with Booze: My Journey to Sobriety

Sitting at 6.50 AM in the morning, and I’m perhaps writing the most toughest article of my life. For the context, I have written more than 3000+ articles, but this one gave me the biggest jitter when I’m about to hit publish button.

I always wanted to write this, but never had the courage to accept what I’m going to share today. I’m writing this with faith that it will help and reach out to those who might experience a journey similar as mine, and give them hope to live a life they deserve to live.

Why I’m writing this:

Drinking socially may be not, but Addiction to alcohol is often looked down upon in our society. As a leader in my industry, I feel that I owe it to my readers and my community to learn about the challenges that we, as solopreneurs and entrepreneurs, often face.

This is not a plea for help but an offer of assistance to those who might need it the most. I also want to convey that alcohol is not the solution, and you will understand this when you read my story.

I have also shared practical ways through which I ended a 20+ year relationship with alcohol. I would be very happy to hear if this story helped even one person quit their addiction or prevented others from seeing alcohol as merely ethanol and not some fancy drink.

Anyways, This writeup is my small effort to give back to society.

My Dance with the Devil

The day was 16th Jan 2003, I was 17 and I was in high school, and we were celebrating his birthday in our hostel. I had a few vodka shots, and though I can’t remember how it felt, but that was the beginning of my 20 year old relationship with alcohol.

I was 17 years old, and the next thing I knew, my brother complained about this to my mother. I promised not to drink again, and we let this slide.

A year later, I joined an engineering college and moved to a hostel. This college hostel was unlike anything I have ever seen—shared washrooms with questionable hygiene, un, and a lot of noise. However, there was some uniqueness to this hostel, and that was experiences and the bonding between students.

The ragging period helped all of us get on the same page and let go of societal hierarchy based on income, caste, and religion, at least to a certain level.

Anyway, just at the end of ragging, a senior of mine asked me, “Do you drink?”

I wish I had said no, but being young and wanting to appear cool, I said Yes.

The senior invited me to have a drink along with his friends. I was hoping that we would go to a cool bar or something, but we ended up going to dhaba on a highway. If you have done engineering in India, you would know what I’m talking about. If not, you can ask your Indian engineer friends who have studied at a college.

Anyway, that was the real beginning of my drinking journey. I wasn’t the best drinker, as my body was not accustomed to drinking. The first few months, I used to drink and rush back to the hostel washroom, heading straight to play a round of reverse bartender.

By the end of 4 year, I was almost become a pro in drinking.

My alcohol tolerance has increased, and now I could also walk straight after gulping a few bottle of beers. Four years passed by, and I knew I didn’t like to drink much, but a few drinks here and there continued. There were ample reasons to celebrate when you stay in a hostel.

After completing engineering and getting placement in a top IT MNC, I moved back to Delhi.

Spiralling out of control –

I always thought I was an introvert, but after a few drinks, I often gained the courage to talk to anyone about anything.

In fact, I started believing I was an extrovert, and this experience, along with the feeling of control that I could talk to anyone, just made me have one more. Even though with our hostel mates we used to drink in moderation, after college when I was working (I worked at a call centre for a few months) or when I became a solopreneur, the drinking never stopped.

Over time I became a successful blogger, won awards, and career was growing at a blazing speed.

Every place I went, be it a conference, a friend’s house, or a party, alcohol was there. It was always available in various forms, tastes, and smells. One could pick their poison based on their mood.

Drinking alcohol seemed so normal, and everyone was doing it. At least, from where I was standing, it seems everyone In the world drinks.

I started with beers and later in my life, I developed a taste for whiskey, and that one just hijacked me for years. Addiction in any form is not healthy, and I think it took me years to realize it. Ofcourse it was not only alcohol, I was numbing my anxiety with alcohol, and that I realized later when I stopped sedating myself.

I usually reflect a lot on whatever I do, but I think I let this one slide for a really long time. It was probably because everyone was doing it (at least everyone around me), and I never questioned what I was drinking and how it was affecting my health.

Since I was young, the impact on my health was not as visible, apart from occasional throwing up and crashing at random places after drinking too much. But to be honest, we all laughed about this and celebrated it.

Career-wise, I was doing everything right, and I never published any of these photos on social media where I’m drinking or smoking, because deep down I knew it’s one of my vices, and I should not influence others.

The Light at the End of the Bottle –

There were many instances where I felt that drinking was becoming a problem for me. I was becoming addicted, and I would become super active after a few drinks. I never wanted the party to stop, and my relationships with some key people in my life were becoming sour.

It was in 2013-2014 when I was going through a rough patch in my life—breakups, loneliness, and the company of people addicted to drinks and substances were making things worse. I was under depression and needed help and I was numbing my pain with alcohol. Now things have changed, but Mental health was not so accessible that time, and let alone the social acceptance of it.

Looking back with clarity, I actively cultivated stronger bond and friendships with others who shared and enabled my party lifestyle and drinking habits. Many of that changed dramatically after becoming sober.

I sought out people, environments, and activities where heavy drinking was the norm rather than the exception. While they may have fueled my addiction issues, I am ultimately responsible for the company I kept and the situations I put myself in.

I cannot blame others for my choices, consciously or not, to surround myself with drinking buddies who would help me continue justifying and indulging harmful behaviours rather than showing me accountability and pushing me toward sobriety.

There were two instances (I would not get into specifics), where I ended up getting into a pub brawl. I’m usually calm, composed, and thoughtful. At least, I thought I was. But alcohol got the best of me, and I ended up getting into a fight and that did not ended well.

I let it go thinking there is first time for everything, but when the second pub brawl happened within a 2-month interval, I knew I had to really wake up.

I put myself in dangerous situations, acted in regrettable ways, and alcohol always invited more drama into my life.

After 20 years of heavy drinking, my brain was definitely hijacked by alcohol. Even though I started tracking my alcohol intake, I don’t think I was too serious about quitting it forever.

Booze works wonders for a soul full of fear. And I was FULL of fear.

Early Sobriety Challenges: How I Quit alcohol finally

I think it was 4-5 years ago when I first decided to cut down on my alcohol consumption. I made a resolution not to drink more than 3 drinks if I’m drinking. However, it never worked.

For me drinking in moderation never worked, it was if I’m drinking or I’m not drinking. Once I started drinking, I just could not stop. And it wasn’t just me; everyone hooked to this poison was experiencing the same. A few of my friends also shared that they wanted to quit, but they couldn’t. We often talk about how alcohol is killing us slowly, but we were not doing anything to tackle it.

A few of my friends say they have it in control, but there are days when they attend a conference or a network event, and end up drinking to the point they embarrass themselves and everyone around them. I think denial is the best friend of anyone who is hooked to this poison, and I was no different.

I could go on discussing the science behind this, but let me give you a quick intro to why it happens:

In short, willpower alone is often not enough to quit alcohol dependence.

I did not have this knowledge before, and I was not even seeking it. I always thought I could quit alcohol whenever I wanted, but that wasn’t the case.

I was not fighting a fair battle.

So, my resolution to limit myself to three drinks at a party did not work for long and I often ended up in binge drinking. And I just couldn’t find a solution and didn’t want to think more, as I really liked my drinks.

However, because of drinking, my health was being affected, often affecting my relationships with my sober friends, as I prefer drinking whenever I’m out.

But after the last few episodes of heavy drinking, I was determined to fight this battle. I used to tell my friends that I wished to quit; they were supportive but couldn’t do much because they don’t see this as a problem, and they don’t want to quit either.

After all, Alchol numbs many pain or in reality it just suppresses it.

Finally, I realized I had to do what I had to do: take complete ownership of tmy situation and do what’s best for my health.

And today, I’m 180 days sober, and I’m going to break down everything I have done and added to my journey to being here. It’s hard to pinpoint one thing, but based on my experience, this has worked.

There is no guarantee that it will work for you in the same manner, but if you are anyone who needs to be out of it (and should), this might be helpful.

How I’m quitting my relationship with Alcohol:

First of all, this is a journey for me, connecting to my old self when I was healthy and not accustomed to drinking. A few drinks could cause a complete relapse, and I have decided not to have another sip ever, replacing alcohol with other healthy drinks and habits.

Writing down big Why?

Anyone who wishes to quit alcohol, should start by writing down their reason for quitting. It would be best if the reason is internal than external.

• Internal reason – I want to quit because I love myself and want to take care of my body.
• External reason – I want to quit because I’m a responsible human being.

The reason being, internal why sticks and before starting this journey, if you map down 1-5 Why’s, it will be super helpful in the rainy days. You can always refer back to your why’s and it will help you navigate urges and often craving.

Here are some of my reasons :

• I quit because I love my self and I want to be fit always
• I quit because I chose healthy lifestyle
• I quit because smart people don’t drink
• I quit to reset my dopamine level and enjoy the natural pleasantries of life.
• I want to give love and nurture my family and community. Alcohol keeps me away from it.
• There is not even a single benefit of drinking alcohol. What they show in movies and advertisement is one of the biggest deception of marketing and human psychology.

Workout and Dietician:

Around June 2022, I started working out at the gym with a trainer. The initial goal was to get fit and lose some of that stubborn belly fat. However, my regular drinking became a challenge, and my trainer kept pushing me to reduce or quit drinking.

I was bouncing between gaining and losing weight, and one day my trainer told me that to achieve my body goal, 80% is determined by food.

I hired a dietitian and slowly learned about food and its composition. I believe everyone should learn about this, as it can fundamentally change the way we consume food.

Understanding how a night of drinking adds between 1000-2000 kcal, and, for comparison, I could only burn 400-500 kcal after one hour of rigorous workout. I started making slight improvements with my drinking habits, and over time, these small changes added up.

Tracking My Drinking:

“If you cannot measure it, you cannot improve it.”

I’m not sure who said it, but someone did, and it holds true. I began tracking my drinking days initially using an app called Momentum (Note: This app is no longer available on the App Store).

You can use any habit tracker app for this.

Last year, I picked another app called “LessDrinks” and this started giving the data that matters.

Reframe App: #1 Neuroscience-Based Alcohol Reduction App

This app I started using sometime in October 2023 and slowly started using it, and perhaps this one had the biggest impact in my journey to the recovery.

This is an evidence based program where you learn how alcohol works and effect and impact of it. The app design and gamification is one of the best I have ever seen, and it starts by helping you understand how Alcohol interfere with your life, brain and other aspects. For example, here is one page from the app:

What we often forget is that Alcohol is actually an escape from the real problem, and because of the addictive nature of Alcohol, we are hooked to it. Even a person with strongest will power struggle to fight this addiction.

This is where Reframe app makes another big difference, as it offers many mini courses which helps you to navigate such underlying problem. For example:

• Loneliness
• Setting healthy bounadries
• Positive parenting
• Overcoming burnout

And these courses are really good, and this byte size learning will also help you grasp the knowledge at your pace. (Between these courses are free, once you have the app subscription).

Vipassana or any meditation practice:

I began practicing Vipassana meditation since 2016, as discussed earlier here and here. A significant portion of my personal growth at the later stage of life can be attributed to the practice of Vipassana. When we start practicing this meditation technique seriously, one of the vow is to not intoxicate our brain , and being in a company of people where alcohol is not accepted is a reward.

The changes I’ve witnessed in myself, as shared by those around me, are all thanks to this meditation practice.

Meditation, when done correctly, can help us rewire our brains. From the dark dungeon of depression in 2013-2014, where I lost hope, the life I’m living now seems like a distant dream.

I will talk more about this in the future writeup.

Staying Away from Drinking Buddies:

Personally, distancing myself from drinking buddies has been the most effective strategy for me. Opting for a new life entails a drastic change in your social network to align with your fresh start. Many old friends will support your journey, which is super valudable.

However, a few may not understand your battle and want you to join them for the next drinking round, and its better to let go of them to meet your new self, because they may not understand the path of recovery. Most of the time, they don’t want to accept that they also have a problem or they just fail to see that drinking is a problem.

Over time, this also lead me to practice setting up healthy boundaries which was super rewarding.

Filling the Gap and Lonely Time:

When making such changes in your life, loneliness and past issues that were being numbed by alcohol will resurface. The alcohol recovery app “Reframe” will undoubtedly help, but you need to align more things.

After quitting drinking, I added almost 100+ extra hours to my monthly time (saved because of not drinking) and decided to spend that time on activities like:

• Reading new books (Some recommendations: Atomic habits, 5 Am club, Set Boundaries, Find Peace)
• Meditate two hours daily
• Workout and Yoga
• Travel more
• Time for new hobbies
• Being more present personally and socially
• Writing regularly
• Learning to trade
• Discovering new cafes (combining this with book reading)
• Focusing on my podcast (see episode one)
• Travelling

Being Ready for Social Setups:

We are social beings, and it’s challenging to avoid all social setups. There are conferences, networking events, and private events hosted by friends and family. However, having a game plan helps navigate such situations without coming across as anti-social.

The last thing you want is to discuss your journey as an alcoholic and path to sobriety at these events. To save yourself from such conversation, you can use these simple one-liners to avoid long discussions about why you are not drinking:

• “I can’t tonight; I’m driving.”
• “I overdid it last night, so I’m taking the night off.”
• “I’m on a detox that doesn’t allow alcohol.”
• “I’m watching my weight.”
• “I’m trying to cut back.”
• “I’m doing an alcohol-free challenge.”
• “I don’t feel like it tonight.”
• “I have an important meeting tomorrow, so I want to keep a clear head.”

I have been to two social events and was able to navigate the situations without guilt and with confidence. Also, it’s a good idea to leave the party early rather than sticking around until the end.

Prepared for relapse: 🥴

Relapse happens, and If it does, do not beat yourself up. Be ready with the coping tools, and have empathy and compassion with yourself. The relapse happens not because you are weak or does not have self control, but it is the nature of Alcohol and this is why you got addicted to It at the first place.

Journal your journey: 📝

Journaling is so powerful when you are changing something in your life, as it gives you the opportunity to speak your heart, and also document what you going through. These journal often help you reflect back on your past, and help you avoid mistakes in your life. It does not have to be a blog post like this, but just a journal on your diary or an app like “Lightpage” or “Day one“, and jot down what you are experiencing, feeling and how you planning to navigate if it gets rocky.

Practice gratitude: 🙏🏻

I also been practicing gratitude regularly, and I suggest you to do the same to count your blessings and add more of the similar elements in your life. You can use this app called 5 minute journal for this or simply use your diary.

5 Minute journal app on Apple | 5 Minute Journal app on Android ( I have been using this app since 2017).

Reach out for help: 🆘

The app that I mentioned above has a very active forum. Sometime journey to sobriety might get overwhelming and it is completely ok to reach out to others in forum, and you will be surprise to discover many unthinkable solution to your problem.

As I was in the middle of my initial days of recovery from alcohol addiction, I thought how good it would be if I could quit cigarette too. And I asked in the forum about the same, and someone suggested an app called “Quitsure“. Thanks to that person comment, I’m also able to quit my relationship with cigarette after 19 years.

I leave the story about quitting to smoke for the future, and let’s conclude this 20 year of experiment that could have killed me.

Stepping Into the Light 💡

The first 2-3 weeks was horrible and I experienced all possible withdrawals from insomnia, lost and increase in appetite, irritation, emotional breakdown, and then all of a sudden all these withdrawal symptoms stopped.

I realise that by trying and trying to break the shackle of addiction, I have started becoming one that I wanted to be. I was connecting with my old body (The one without addiction), and I have now more than 100+ extra hours every month which I used to waste on drinking or recovering from hangover. There are many second degree benefit of quitting alcohol that I’m slowly getting to know, and life just feels more confident, and I treat myself with more love, respect and trust.

I also wish I could tell you how emotional I feel right now while writing this. It is not only very uplifting for me personally to share this challenging part of my life with you, and also a big relief. I sincerely hope that this experience and journey of mine reaches out to those who need it to the most.

I’m also thanking all the people who supported me in this journey. 🙏🏻

I will keep updating about my progress with this. Feel free to subscribe to my personal space. If you wanna share your story or experience, feel free to write to me on Twitter @denharsh .