How To Overcome Self-Consciousness And Win Your Life Back

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I’m Harsh Agrawal

Blog Scientist & a passionate blogger. Love minimalist life & talk about things that matter. Adventure from heart & doer by action.

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You step outside out of your house and the air outside has a pleasant odor to it and the breeze touches your face and has disarrayed your hair a little bit. You’re off to meet someone and you just happen to gaze at yourself through the glare coming off a shop’s window pane while hustling through the streets. You look at yourself and just think how in the world has that dress seemingly got more tightened and now it’s as if you were in a diving suit.

Self consciousness

You look at passerby’s giving you a weird look from top to bottom and you feel the need to rush to a nearby wash room and get straightened up again! You spend a significant amount of time in front of the mirror and still don’t feel ‘perfect’ once you’re done with it. You feel people are talking and texting others’ about how disastrous you were in that dress and with that tousled hair. If these things were a part of your life until now, you might be just another victim of Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)!

Fixing Social Anxiety diorder

This isn’t something of a serious disease or disorder which can be cured by medicines or therapies, all it needs is your efforts and time for getting things back in order. Social anxiety is a vermin that feeds on your confidence, sucking it out of your life and making you increasingly self-conscious. This is a thing of the mind and humans generally feel more concerned about what others are thinking about them or what they might think of their actions and behavior.

This somehow inculcates a sense of embarrassment into their minds beforehand taking an action, and forces them to stop doing them. This habit tends to drive the attention from their statements or talk and gets more focused outwards to what others might be thinking about them. Words are left unsaid and things undone many a times due to this lack of confidence, which is being overshadowed by self-consciousness.

Do you also feel self conscious in public? Let’s find the solution

The thing about this perception of events is a state of mind and it could be easily monitored and kept in check by instilling a few habits and changing the way you look outwards. Here are a few tips to help you shift the perception and re-focus it outwards instead of focusing it on yourself, making you less self-conscious and more confident.

Identify yourself

identity

Identifying your shortcomings is always the first step while working on it. Try to take a look inwards, into your own self, and understand when you are becoming self-conscious. Take note of the times when you tend to become a little more self-conscious, and identify the pattern. People usually do not tend to get self-conscious all the time, monitor and identify the patterns.

When do you tend to get more self-conscious or what is it that is making you think more about yourself? Your hairstyle, your dressing, walking style, doubts about intellectual abilities, etc. Find what is making you more concerned about yourself and you are already halfway there. Try to be a little more introspective and you will find your moments of higher self-consciousness.

Realize that no one cares

No_One_Cares

Although it tends to come off as a bit harsh, but this is the truth. The moment you tend to get a little more self-conscious and worry about how you may look or how your actions might be perceived by someone, realize the fact that no one cares! Realizing that no one cares about how you look or what you do would make you feel comfortable, less embarrassed and more confident. It is you who is making all this stuff up in your mind of what the other person is thinking about you. In fact, he was actually not thinking about you.

Just because someone is looking at you doesn’t mean the person is thinking and analyzing you, they’ve got more work to do. Just remember that the amount of stuff you make up in your mind about how others perceive you are a lot, and in fact, the person might not be even noticing half of the stuff you made up yourself. So, just relax, understand that not everyone is thinking about you or gossiping about how you look, this will lift up your spotlight illusion and get to reality.

Takeaway: Everyone is busy thinking about themselves!

Turn down the Spotlight

Spotlight_Turd

Once you come to the terms that many few of the people you meet daily actually care about you or your looks, you need to turn down the spotlight from yourself. When you are self-conscious you tend to take everything personal and serious and get emotional quickly. Suppose, you are at a diner with your friends and someone notices a zit or a mark on your nose, you tend to immediately drop anything in hand, try to reach out for it immediately and end up shattering your glass and embarrassed. Here you become the spotlight and suddenly everything else fades away, making you a bit more self-conscious and devoid of confidence.

Instead, try to take things slowly as they come, instead of rushing through it. When someone says something about your looks or tries to turn the spotlight towards you, try to keep your calm and take the action gracefully, instead of reacting emotionally and with a zest. Stop making it all about ‘me-me’, and half of your self-conscious issues will fade away rapidly.

Manage your reactions

Gain-Control-of-Your-Emotions

Image credit: Wikihow.com

Being emotional is often perceived as ‘weak’ by the people who are only capable of delivering sympathies. When around people like these, try to remain calm and collected. Stop reacting to every little thing immediately and remember the spotlight thing. Don’t make things worse by letting your emotions out of control and becoming the center of attraction of the event and being embarrassed later for what you’ve done.

Kill your inner critic and stop being too harshly judgmental of you. It is not ones harsh words that hurt the most, but your reaction to it matters the most. Try and take control of your response to stimuli. Once you’re in control of it, you will never be again devoid of self-confidence. Be happy in how you are, realize that no one’s perfect and most importantly, be happy, that alone would be enough to manage your train of thoughts from getting derailed by emotions.

  • Read: 10 powerful tips to boost your self confidence instantly

Learn to laugh at yourself

Laugh at yourself

Yes, you read it! Learn to make fun of yourself and take a good laugh or chuckle at your actions and that would definitely help to reduce your levels of embarrassment, and kill your self-consciousness. Making fun of yourself doesn’t imply you should make fun of yourself in a self-depreciating manner, but instead taking the bright side of events and making a good line about it and have a little chuckle.

Suppose you’re at a new place and happen to drop a glass of something and shattered it. Instead of going all depressed and crying aloud, try to come up with something funny like having a double sided tape on both of your hands would prevent your actions and later apologize for what happened and offer to help clean it up. Once you do this, you yourself exhibit the fact that you’re not perfect, no one is, and you’re happy the way you are. Laughing at oneself is also a tough task, but worth the efforts to make you feel lifted and remove the cloud of embarrassment over you.

Watch and Learn

I wasn’t always a big fan of movies as a kid, but as I grew up I started to appreciate the work of actors and actresses, both on and off the screen. These people are the ones with the highest level of spotlight on them all the time. Even a single strand of left beard, a mismatched pair of jacket or even a slightly personal thing becomes a major talk and news story in an instant. These are the people who should exhibit the highest level of self-consciousness, but in fact, they are the ones who don’t bother about their appearance or actions in public, apart from when at parties or functions.

Have a favorite actor or actress and tend to watch them closely and observe how they behave off screen during award ceremonies or TV shows and learn from them. These are the ones who have left behind self-consciousness and inculcated self-confidence in whatever they undertake. Many of the actors were once shy and reserved as a teen and they’ve adapted to their new image perfectly. Not only actors, you can also learn from people around you whose self-confidence you appreciate truly.

Get away from negative people (Leave your friends if you have to)

Do you want to be happy?

If you’re doing all of these and still don’t manage to get your self-conscious levels low, there might not be a problem with yourself, but with the people you associate with. The five people you meet up with the most have a significant effect on you and your way of thinking, so choose them wisely; is a famous saying that just nails it perfectly. There are people who will always make you feel embarrassed or self-deteriorating even how hard you try. Stop being around them and start associating yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself and the way you are.

Many time our closest friend become our most toxic people and you have to understand and realize that this relation is not taking you anywhere. Instead of sulking down, be with those people who bring out the best in you. Here are two articles which you should read right away:

This might seem like running away from your problems, but sometimes going too deep into it after realizing them as troubles isn’t worth your efforts. You should always realize the right time when it is good to say goodbye to relationships which are no longer making you feel good. If your associate’s nagging habit is a reason for your self-consciousness, try getting away from them and choose yourself!

Must read: Because I’m happy! 10 habits of happy & positive people 

So, what do you think is your concern for a rising self-consciousness and what could be done about it? Share your thoughts and experiences about being a little less self-conscious below. If you find above advices useful, pass it along to others.

26 comments on “How To Overcome Self-Consciousness And Win Your Life Back

  1. Thanks @Srikanth for this Useful article. I got few methods to build up confidence. Hope this will help me in future 🙂

  2. I use to be a guy with Super Social Anxiety but then I stopped caring about what others think of me. From that day on, I am the happiest person in my circle. 🙂

  3. Its good information to learn self confidence. See everyone not having this problem this problem comes with situation.

    I had this problem few years back and I started avoid those who digging me always, now those are trying to talk to me in good manner. The same time and situation changed them too.

    Now too, I’m doing this when people discourage me I tried to keep distance with them and silent for while when sometime I couldn’t maintain distance.

    I think silent is the best remedy for all problems on self-conscious. What you think about this?

  4. thx for this amazing post of yours, some of the things you told here will be really helpful for me!!!
    the best one #laugh at yourself

  5. First thing first!
    YOUR WRITING IS AWESOME like always.
    And now,
    You are right, self conscious in social sometime becomes a brain eating zombie , which destroys your personality by removing confidence.
    BUT..
    We should know about ourself, That’s the right way to become self conscious!

    And most important..
    Your writings are awesome, keep writing.
    Thanks for sharing this knowledge.

  6. Hello SRIKANTHAN,

    Its very nice article !
    These non technical things are also required to be a successful blogger.

    Thanks a lot.

    -Arvind

  7. Hi Srikanth AN,

    Great tips and you’re definitely correct, no one really cares. I think that most of us suffer from being self-conscious, especially, when we’re younger.

    Unfortunately, it’s just a part of our society. People say as you get older, eventually, you get to the point where you don’t really care what people think. However, it does take time to get to that point.

    I love it when you say no one cares, everyone is thinking about themselves. This is so true and if we could remember that next time we’re feeling self-conscious, I think that would make a huge difference.

    When I first started my blog, I was always worried about what people would think about my blog posts. Now, I don’t care what people think.

    I post what I want to post and it doesn’t matter what people think. After all, if someone leaves a negative comment, I have full power not to publish it.

    I think that we all need to learn how to overcome our self-conscious issues, or least control them. Once we figure out how to do this, we’ll be able to accomplish a lot more in life.

    Thanks for sharing these tips with us, have a great one 🙂

    Susan

  8. This is amazing article and after read increase my self confidence. All tips are great and very useful me in life. Thank you. Keep writing

  9. Yeah it’s great article, you said don’t think about who is caring about you ,who is notice you but when we come to that situation then automatic questions arise in our mind Ultimately we again nervous at that situation.
    By the way thx for these wonderful solution.

  10. Self Confidence always plays a important role to win any battle of life!!! A great post read after a long time really inspiring one.

    Thanks Mate!!!

  11. Brilliant stuff… of all these, the last one is something I really like because i had been through the situation. Negative people always demotivate you no matter what good you do. All you got to do is continue pursuing what you wanted to pursue and let the negative people keep mocking and laughing at you…

  12. Nice article @Srikanth for the useful article. It is not only useful for as a blogger, but for everyone out there to build ‘Self Confidence’.

  13. Very Effective Line : “Social anxiety is a vermin that feeds on your confidence, sucking it out of your life and making you increasingly self-conscious”.

    Such a perfact post for today social anxiety disorder going in all socities, between youngers to elders….this post will help us to understanding social anxiety. Thanks to Srikanth for brilliant articles. keep it up !!

  14. Thank you @Srikant for posting such a helpful blog. Your point #4 is one of the best points I found, Keep Posting more helpful and life hacks articles.

  15. I have realized that when I leave the past behind me I make progress; dwelling in it confuses me and makes me sleep a lot. We must believe that as far as we are alive anything is possible. A new day brings a new beginning. Peace to all.

  16. Great article…agree most of the time it is our own mind which creates perceptions and people become self conscious.Reality is that today most of the people even may not have time to think about us.

  17. Great article…agree most of the time it is our own mind which creates perceptions and people become self conscious.Reality is that today most of the people even may not have time to think about us.

  18. Wonderful article. Love the point 2 “No One Cares”. We always afraid to do the things we want due to one unnecessary fear “What people will say?”. If everyone realize that no one cares the life will be joyful.

  19. Amazing article, I took a few points which I would implement in my life but I do not agree with the last point in which you said ‘Get away from negative people’ because they would be our parents and siblings, we can’t effort to leave them. My point is why not we take control on our mind with practice so that negative energies stop killing us inside.

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